One of the questions I often get asked is, "Should I...?" Those two simple words come with so much baggage for so many people.
Should I invite them?
Should I wear my Great Aunt's dress?
Should I have programs?
Should I have flowers?
You get the idea. When you start a sentence with 'should,' it already means you are doing that thing for someone else. I am not saying that you shouldn't do nice things for the people in your life.
If this dress is a family heirloom and your Great Aunt means so much to you, you want to carry on the tradition, then wear it! If you cannot even fathom wearing the dress and would look back at your photos and feel sad that you didn't wear your own dress, don't wear it. Because the family member you are afraid of upsetting won't have to look at your wedding photos from now until the end of time.
Imagine choosing to wear it out of compliance. Then every time you talk about your wedding day, you will talk about this dress situation and how you felt with or without the dress. As I have said, events hold many memories and traditions of years past and the march forward. Finding a balance is challenging.
Another one of my favorites is "Do I...?"
Do we have to have speeches at the wedding?
Do I have to have cake?
Do I have to have a seating chart?
These types of questions come in a similar category. Every wedding is so unique. It is based on the couple, the family, the venue, the budget, and the most important things to the people involved. There is really no single answer, which is why it can be so hard to sift through all these questions and the feelings that come with them.
Having a wedding coordinator can be so helpful in these moments of internal conflict. Find someone that will be invested in your day, family, and what is important to YOU. Do you want the Gold silverware because it is important to you or because The Knot told you you needed it? If you don't care about it, put it in the F*** It Bucket!
It is hard to think through these things without everyone's opinions coming at you. Also, the people sharing those opinions with you may have zero experience planning a wedding or got married 100 years ago when wedding traditions were VERY different.
This is why I'm not too fond of the pressures that family members' and friends' opinions can bring to your wedding day. Having a coordinator is generally a good thing for your wedding day to run smoothly but also an excellent resource to help you filter the noise.
I tell all my couples you don't have to do anything; you REALLY don't want to. We can work together to ensure you choose something that satisfies all parties involved while choosing things that logistically make sense for YOUR wedding.